A Tale of Mutilated Love : Shraddha and Aftab

I have been thinking about the news of Shraddha Walker’s murder. I do not have a suitable adjective that captures how I feel, but I believe “shock and disbelief” capture somewhat accurately, though not wholly. I am wondering 💭 and thinking 🤔 about the rage that could kill someone. Aftab has not only killed Shraddha but, with that, has given several reasons to society to look at love with condescension and disrespect.

I wonder what could have happened differently. Indeed, Shraddha wanted to marry Aftab because she trusted him and wanted him to commit to her with his mind, body, and soul. But marriage was not his plan. If marriage was the point of controversy and the couple could not arrive at mutual consent, separation could have been an option. But, as it turns out, Shraddha could not come out of the relationship knowing it was difficult, “hell” (in her words), abusive, unstable, and unhealthy.

I also understand why making that choice was so difficult for her. Aftab was the only close emotional support she had. Her parents disapproved of her relationship with Aftab, and with her mother dead, communication with her father was also not regular. She was incredibly lonely and in despair, yet she hoped marriage would solve everything. That marriage would give her love the validation it deserved and the respect she desired.

Thankfully, her friends were with her! They would talk to and care for her and save her on nights when the fights escalated. I realize that her friends never let her go completely, even when her family may have. After all, her friend discovered that her phone had been switched off for two months and raised the warning bells. Perhaps, her parents could have tried to look beyond the different faith of Aftab and attempted to know the person, get involved in Shraddha’s relationship, and not alienate her emotionally. It was a tough choice, and herein lies a lesson for all of us.

Parents can at least try to transcend the differences which outrage them and just be there for their kids, even if half-heartedly, but just be there.

Isolation and ostracism from family can enormously increase the despair one feels while following a path disapproved by parents.

I am tempted to blame the parents here. The situations that demand handling with calm and composure remain at the mercy of anger, disgust, and passive-aggressiveness. This lack of mindfulness in such complex situations is something that we need to learn. It is not easy, but important.

I don’t feel any extreme emotion, yet I cannot forget this news. I am quiet, numb, and profoundly contemplating what has happened. On the one hand, I cannot believe it; on the other, I very well know what uncontrolled rage and extreme momentary hatred can do. I am also worried about the questions this incident will raise for other couples whose love is seen peculiarly because of the “different” nature of their faiths.

As love is a rare event in our society, such events may reinforce the suspicions around love and live-in relationships. This murder will trigger doubts and caution in relationships of a similar kind, while many parents might consider connecting with their children again.

The news disturbs me so much that I keep thinking, “What could have happened differently?”

I can imagine the trust Shraddha had bestowed on Aftab since she left her family to be with him. That was indeed courageous and bold testimony of her deep faith in him. Seeing your faith and trust get severed and destroyed is a traumatic pain. I wonder what she must have felt when Aftab was strangulating her. All the confidence and trust she bestowed on Aftab would have seemed so worthless and highly wrong. I can feel this soul-shocking pain in her, and I also can feel the rage in him. I see two people in the circle of violence, and helplessness, wanting this to improve but not finding any solution other than fights, conflict, and, ultimately, murder. Where have we gone wrong?

Society blames both Shraddha and Aftab, and I feel pity and infinite sadness. For me, two lives are destroyed; one is dead, and the other has to live his life with the consequences of his actions. Knowing how sensitive inter-faith relationships are in India, the couple may have taken things differently.

I feel that loving relationships with an element of defiance have an added sense of responsibility that other relationships which follow the conventional permissible love template do not have.

The bearers of such relationships have to be extra cautious, extra careful, and extra mindful of their actions and consequences. It is like walking on the sword and ensuring there is no wound or blood. And when something wrong happens in such relationships, society always gets a bolder voice of opposition and more evidence for reinforcing their beliefs on love, relationships and marriages. The impact of this event could go far and wide than imaginable.

This event is undoubtedly a tragedy that we have all heard and read about. And I know it has stirred all of us deeply. This stir is not meaningless at all. It will depend on what we choose to focus on. As youths, parents, siblings, and family people, we will look at this event as a bell to become closer to each other and hold space for each others’ emotions no matter how difficult to swallow. To not let go of our kids, siblings, friends, and parents in the darkest times.

However, it saddens me to see that this isolated incidence is perceived as a generality rather than an exception. Political players and fanatics have further reasons to toot the horn of division and hatred linked to love relationships involving different faiths. Still, I hope that all of us in such relationships of seeming defiance will wake up to our responsibilities linked to such sensitive companionship and strive to uphold love and patience when the going becomes tougher.

The changing dynamics of relationships in modern times demand we transform ourselves and offer to love the respect it deserves and craves.