Be who you are !

I am perceived as ‘woman living as a man’. Due to my lifestyle, dressing sense, hairstyle, attitude and nature, almost everyone boxes me as ‘manly’, or ‘masculine’, or ‘tom-boy’. What do I think of it? It does bother me when I am encroached upon. For e.g. at airport security check-ins, at public toilets in India, in temples where men and women are expected to sit separately, in buses wherein women section is separate, in sports wherein high-performing women are rare. Basically, places wherein I, due to my presence, unknowingly flout the gender norms of the society and am made to feel lowly — I feel bothered.

But I found out a way to overcome these discomforts. I do not make eye contact with anyone in public space when I am at the place wherein strict division between gender is observed. I go wherever I have to, mind my own business, and then come back. Even in doing so, while not maintaining eye contact I can sense people staring at me in surprise, some in shock, some in confusion, some in condescending manner, and others in disapproval. But I have not yet faced violence! That seems ok then.

I also know that I am not the only one to experience this in this whole world. I am sure there are men who are feminine who also experience the same and I also know there are numerous women who are like me and face these subtle challenges in their daily life. We do not belong to any strict division of gender, nor do we identify as transgenders, gender non-binary, gender non-conforming etc. These are few terms that aim to capture our attitudes and behaviours, but if you ask us, we are, we just are. Very comfortable in our body and very comfortable being ourselves in the body that has been given to us. We are so comfortable that the community’s discomfort with us also, we can bear boldly. And as you can guess, this boldness is a mix of God’s blessings and our true nature.

The world told us that we are an oddity — but we never really felt so. Unfortunately, as children grow and become adults, they become too conscious of how they are perceived by the world, and begin to shrink themselves. In this shrinking, they become more and more as the world desires of them, conforming for that jewel of validation. Yet, their shine gets dimmer and dimmer. Because we shine the most when we are who we are.

So, take the experiences you face as testimony to the wider thought process in the society — the prevalent attitudes and norms for gender. These reflect the societal thought process , observe them but do not identify with them if you cannot. Preserve yourself and value yourself to shut everyone down who is trying to make you who you are not! These are all the people around you — parents, teachers, mentors, elders, grandparents and in some cases spouses. Just do not give them any power over your life’s decisions and your persona.

Everyone wants you to be such that they are not uncomfortable around you. Their discomfort is their problem, do not make it yours. Separation of tasks — identify what is yours to take care of and what is others’. Do not be so polite that you are dishonest to yourself. Rage! Rage against all flows that threaten to cut your wings!